


Why Bernie Stayed and Why Serena Doesn't Kill Her For It

by andnowsomeonenew



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F, elinor will live, legitimate reason to stay in the ukraine a little longer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-08-27 18:40:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8412244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andnowsomeonenew/pseuds/andnowsomeonenew
Summary: The only reason Serena and I will accept for Bernie electing to stay in the Ukraine. And it's a bloody good excuse at that.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For the sake of this fic Bernie is a few years younger than Jemma is. She's mid 40's in this.

‘I got your email.’ Bernie’s voice was crackly over the faint line, Serena almost had to strain to understand what she was saying. Serena supposed Bernie must still be in the unit she was setting up judging from the persistent beeping in the background. Her ire grew. The blonde couldn’t even do her the courtesy, after all she had put her through, of waiting until she was outside to phone her. 4 whole days since she had sent the email, 4 days since Henrik had announced that Miss Bernie Wolfe had elected to stay halfway across the world even though her job was done and she had only now read the email?  Bullshit.

‘Bernie! What the hell do you think you’re playing at staying in the Ukraine? It’s all well and good you swanning off because of us, and believe me I have a lot of stern words for you on that matter, but AAU needs you. Raf’s on a well-earned break and Fletch is still recovering and we bloody well need another pair of skilled hands here.' 

‘Serena-‘

‘No you shut up Berenice Griselda Wolfe. Do you have any idea what you’ve put me through these past 7 weeks? Half the hospital is talking about us, or more specifically me, behind my back and the other half are doing it to my face. There’s a nursery rhyme and everything. _Crazy Campbell pudding and pie, kissed the girl and made her cry._ Apparently you’re crying. Where they got that idea from I have no idea as I’m the one Raf found crying in our office. Twice! So out with it then, hit me with a reason why I shouldn’t storm over there and murder you with my bare hands.’

‘I gave birth. To a baby.’

‘What?’ That had definitely not been what Serena had expected.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter too so long. I've had many more hours at work than normal and they're all lates so I've been knackered. I can make no promises of when chapter three will be up.

_‘I gave birth. To a baby.’_

_‘What?’ That had definitely not been what Serena had expected._

 

* * *

 

'I'm sorry. The line is bad, I think I must have misheard what you said. I could have sworn you just announced you'd had a baby.'

'I did.'

'But... you...' Serena dropped down onto the sofa, her legs giving way in shock. Bernie laughed sharply down the phone at the confusion from the usually certain surgeon.

'I didn't even know I was pregnant. I collapsed at work from what I thought was just a bad stomach ache and when I woke up they'd yanked a baby out of me. I wasn't really showing at all, I assumed the weight gain I'd had was because of the landlady here force feeding me every five minutes. There was no nausea, no interruption to my cycle. I had no clue.’

'Oh wow.'

'Yeah. She was quite the surprise. A brilliant one though. One of my colleagues here contacted Hanssen and told them I wasn't coming back. My mind has been all over the place since she arrived so they took pity on me. I was due to come home as soon as I was finished, I missed you too much. God Serena she's so small, she's seven weeks premature, hooked up to machines. We see people with life-saving precautions every day but it's so different when it's your own child.’

'2 months? Christ Bernie. Is she alright?'

'She will be. The first 48 hours were the worst, especially as the nurses wouldn't let me leave my bed at first whilst I recovered from the caesarean. She's four days old now and already so much stronger than she started. I'm so proud of her. She'll be in here for at least a month before we can even think about coming back home. Even then I wouldn’t want to take her on a plane at so young an age.’

'Of course. Take as long as you need, she needs you far more than any of us. The hospital will survive. So if she's 7 months then...'

'One night stand. I know right, the only guy I sleep with in 27 years who isn't my husband and I end up pregnant. I'm 46 Serena. How am I supposed to raise a child with likely long term medical complications alone at my age? I’ll be almost 70 by the time she’s all grown up. Maybe I should move in with Raf and Fletch and we can raise 5 children between us all. That would take some of the pressure off of them. Sort of. Or maybe I should let some younger family take her and give her the childhood she deserves with a mother that has the energy to chase her around without fear of breaking a hip.’

'Don't be ridiculous. Whatever else may have happened between us in the past you are my best friend and you are more than welcome to stay at mine for as long as you need. Let's really kick the AAU family up a gear. Which hospital are you at?

'It's called Isida. It's no Holby but then again nowhere is. I really miss Holby, I never thought I would when I started working there but the people, you, made it home. 

'Holby misses you too. Would you send me a photo of her?' 

'I can do one better.' With that Bernie abruptly hung up leaving a surprised Serena to take in the recent developments. Just as she had begun to get her head around the fact that there was a new baby Wolfe in the world her phone began to ping with the FaceTime she'd longed to have for weeks. Accepting it eagerly her breath was stolen from her as a tiny baby, covered in wires, appears on her screen. 'Serena Campbell meet my daughter.'

'Oh Bernie. She's beautiful, Elinor aside she's the most precious little thing I've ever seen.  I've just realised-I never asked if she had a name.'

'I haven't decided yet. Marcus named the others so I've never had to try before. I'm probably going to screw her up enough as it is without giving her the wrong name. I know first-hand the perils of having a shit name.'

'I like Berenice!' Serena cried out. It was true that it was hardly a common name for anyone under the age of 90 but Bernie made it work, if not only through being known as Bernie.

'It's grown on me but I never forgave my parents for Griselda. I sound like an evil step sister.'

'But a very pretty evil step sister.' The picture switched direction and Serena lay eyes on the woman she loved. Her hair was thrown up into a messy bun, her eyes coupled with bags to cause envy in a shopaholic, but she’d never looked more beautiful to her.

'Yes I'm feeling extremely pretty right now as you can well see.'

'Hello you. You look beautiful. Sorry I-no wait I'm not sorry. You look beautiful because you are the most gorgeous person I have even known and I refuse to hide that anymore. I don’t care, well I do care, I care very much actually, but I don’t care if it scares you because you can’t run off to another country this time.’

‘I appreciate that. You look great too, you always do. Serena I'm so sorry for leaving like I did, I'm sorry the hospital is talking about us, about you, I'm sorry that that stupid nursery rhyme exists. I'm sorry I was too much of a coward to believe that you knew how you felt, I'm sorry I was too much of a coward to allow myself to tell you I felt the same. I guess it was a lucky escape for you though in the long run.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well it's just lucky that I was a coward otherwise you'd be landed with a girlfriend with a newborn. At least this way you can avoid that.’

‘Bernie I told you-you are my best friend and I will support you. Whatever happens between us in the future-if we end up together for the rest of our lives or if we go back to being friends, baby is going to be a big part of my life if I have anything to say about it. I've already fallen for the tiny angry Buddha and I cannot wait to meet her in the flesh.’

‘You mean it? You're still willing to give us a chance? After all the hurt I've caused to you and now with added baggage?’

‘Well I think we need to have a long talk about exactly where to go from here when I see you in person but I told you before you left that I was falling in love with you and that hasn't changed. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that twaddle.’

‘Serena, I'm falling in love with you too.’ Bernie admitted. Serena grinned cynically, months of wanting to hear those words fall from the lips she couldn’t help but dream about and it finally happened over the phone, thousands of miles apart, after Bernie’s daughter made an unexpected and dramatic entrance into the world.

‘Good. Because I'm coming over to see you, I've just texted Jason to see if he wants to visit Ukraine or stay with a carer, I've made an emergency appointment with Henrik and I've booked a provisional plane for in a few days time. I want to, I need to, see you and little Wolfe.’

‘I couldn't ask you to drop your life like that.’

‘You didn't ask, and as much as it pains me to admit it I don't have much of a life without you around anymore. I never thought I'd be the sort of person to mope, properly mope, over a person but that's exactly what you've done to me.’

‘Sorry.

‘I want to look at her again.’

‘She's really something isn't she. I know I joked earlier about giving her to a younger family, and I've only known she was here four days ago, but I can't imagine not having her in my life. There was a time when I only had two children to love and that seems wrong now.’

‘Have you told them?’

‘I phoned Cam and told him, he's going to come out this weekend after his med school catch up lectures are finished, Char wouldn't pick up the phone so I asked Cam to tell her. I haven't heard from either of them since but Cam seemed to be father excited to have another sister. Are you sure you don't mind coming over? I must admit I'd appreciate it.'

'Of course I don't mind. I'd visit you anyway even without angry Buddha. We are at the precipice of something amazing between us and I don't want to lose that just because you decided to bugger off for a while.’

‘Thank you. I should probably let you go, plans to make and people to see. I'll send you some proper photos of her. I expect they'll be plastered all over the hospital by this time tomorrow?’

‘Is it alright for me to do that? I won't tell anyone if you want to wait and show her to them yourself.’

'Go ahead. You're taking us both on so you have every right. Oh no wait I didn't mean to say that.’

'It's okay. I know what you meant.'

'I'll see you soon. You too little one. Bernie congratulations. Really and truly congratulations. I couldn't be happier for you.'

‘Bye.’

‘Bye Bernie.’

Well then. She had some packing to do and a nephew to speak to.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long but it was getting too long so I've split it in two. Next update should be a shorter wait as a result.

'Can everyone gather around please? I have some news. As everyone is most likely aware Ms Wolfe has extended her time in Ukraine. I have just finished speaking with her and it seems she has rather good reason to stay. It is not, I'm afraid to inform the rumour mill, because crazy Campbell kissed the girl and made her cry, yes I am well aware of that rhyme, but because she was unknowingly pregnant and has given birth 7 weeks prematurely to a delightful baby girl. Until the baby is stronger neither will be able to return. I've spoken to Mr Hanssen and he has agreed for me to have a months leave so I can support our friend during this trying time so far from home.'

'Goodness.' Raf gaped at the revelation. Firstly he was shocked for his absent friend, and secondly conferences for his present friend who had admitted her love for Bernie several weeks previously. This was going to change things for the pair for sure.' 

'Is the baby alright?'

'She will be. Bernie sent me some photos and I was able to see her over FaceTime and believe me she's perfect. She's doing much better than anyone could have hoped for under the circumstances.'

'Ooh let's see the pictures.' Serena handed out the various shots of the tiny tot that Bernie had sent over to her. Already her own copies were some of her prized possessions. Coos settled over the area as the photos were shared around the group.

'Aww. She's precious. She looks just like Bernie.' Morven grinned, she couldn't quite imagine her colleague as a mother to a newborn, perhaps in part due to her own friendship with Cameron. She couldn't help but wonder how he was taking the news.

'I'll pass that along Morven. In my absence Mr Griffin shall be filling the breach-the trumped up charges against him have been dropped due to the sheer ridiculousness of them.'

'Give Bernie and the baby our love.'

'I will do.'

* * *

 

'Are you sure you'll be okay staying here Jason? I'm sure Bernie would love to see you.' Serena asked her nephew for the twelfth time in the past 167 minutes. 

'It's alright auntie Serena. I'll be staying with Alan quite a bit and Morven and  Dave from the homeless shelter said they'll visit on Tuesdays and Thursdays and the carer will be staying here on the other days. I've got your phone number and Bernies, I've got the phone numbers for Elinor, Nurse fletcher, Morven, Mr Griffin, Mr Hanssen, and the hospital where Ms Wolfe and the baby are staying. I'm not a child Auntie Serena, I can look after myself.'

'I know. I do know that sweetheart, I just worry about you. I feel so guilty leaving you.' she wanted to take the young man into her arms, if only to reassure herself, but knew that this was not one of the reasons Jason would permit physical contact of that sort from her. He was very much in control of such interactions and together, with quite a bit of help from a surprisingly organised Bernie, they had devised a system and set of rules to avoid confusion or uncomfortableness. It had taken a while to adjust to living with her nephew, but for his presence in her life, it seemed a rather inconsequential tradeoff.

'Bernie needs you. I don't. Why would you feel guilty for visiting her.' Jason asked confused.

'Of course you are right.' Trust him to be so logical.

'If you don't hurry up you're going to be late to the airport and then you'll miss your plane and then you'll be even sadder than normal.'

'Noted. I'll see you soon, I'll text when I get on the plane and when I land. Call me if you need anything.'

'Goodbye Auntie Serena.' Giving his Aunt a brief hug, Jason returned to watching the rather fascinating documentary he'd begrudgingly paused.

 

 

* * *

 

**Text from Serena Campbell to Bernie Wolfe:** _//I'm just on my way to the airport now.//_

**Text from Bernie Wolfe to Serena Campbell:** _//what time do you land? I'll come and pick you up//_

**Text from Serena Campbell to Bernie Wolfe:** _//15:32. You don't need to do that, I'll get a taxi.//_

**Text from Bernie Wolfe to Serena Campbell** : _//do you even speak enough Ukrainian to hail down a taxi?//_

**Text from Serena Campbell to Bernie Wolfe:** _//Well no but I'd manage.//_

**Text from Bernie Wolfe to Serena Campbell** : _//I'll pick you up Serena.// //I can't wait to see you Serena.// //Don't suppose you can make your flight go any quicker can you?// //I know it's my own fault but I miss you so much Serena//_

T **ext from Serena Campbell to Bernie Wolfe:** _//I miss you too. Now look after angry Buddha and I'll see you in a few hours!//_

 

* * *

 

**Text from Serena Campbell to Jason Haynes:** _//I'm on the plane. Have to switch phone off in a moment.//_

**Text from Jason Haynes to Serena Campbell:** _//I know. With the flight leaving at 14:32 they should have started boarding 17 minutes ago.//_

**Text from Serena Campbell to Jason Haynes:** _//indeed they did//_

**Text from Jason Haynes to Serena Campbell:** _//Tell Major Bernie that the survival rates for babies born 7 weeks premature is 90%.//_

T **ext from Serena Campbell to Jason Haynes:** _//I will. Don't worry I have all of the research literature you printed off for me in my carry on bag ready to hand over//_

**Text from Jason Haynes to Serena Campbell** : _//good//_

 

* * *

  **Text from Serena Campbell to Jason Haynes** : _//plane landed 2 minutes early//_

 

* * *

**Text from Serena Campbell to Bernie Wolfe _:_** _//I'm here. I'm just collecting my bags//_  

**Text from Bernie Wolfe to Serena Campbell** : _//I'm in arrivals. My arms have missed having you in them//_

T **ext from Serena Campbell to Bernie Wolfe:** _//you are not making the interminable wait for my bags to come around on the conveyor any easier.// //screw it who needs luggage// //ugh this is taking forever//_

**Text from Bernie Wolfe to Serena Campbell:** _//let me guess, you brought many many bags with you. My apartment is only small you know. I can't have you filling it to the brim with suitcases//_

**Text from Serena Campbell to Bernie Wolfe:** _//just wait until you've bought all the stuff for angry Buddha//_

**Text from Bernie Wolfe to Serena Campbell:** _//is that your official nickname for my daughter now?//_

**Text from Serena Campbell to Bernie Wolfe:** _//yes. At least until you actually grace her with a name. Ooh Grace. That's a nice name//_

**Text from Bernie Wolfe to Serena Campbell:** _//had a bully at school called Grace//_

**Text from Serena Campbell to Bernie Wolfe:** _//oh dear// //I think I see one of my bags//_

**Text from Bernie Wolfe to Serena Campbell:** _//one down, seventeen to go//_

**Text from Serena Campbell to Bernie Wolfe:** _//hardy har har_

**Text from Bernie Wolfe to Serena Campbell:** _//how rude. I'm not sure I want such a bad influence around my child//_

**Text from Serena Campbell to Bernie Wolfe:** _//tough// //last bag collected. I'm coming through//_

* * *

 

Serena strode through the gates, anticipation growing with every step. Whatever happened in the next hour would change her life, if she ran into Bernies arms and Bernie didn't run for the hills then she would be together with the woman she loved and have a stepdaughter. If the anger overtook her and she shouted at Bernie then their relationship would be delayed though hopefully inevitable. If Bernie ran off at the sight of her then she would charge the blonde for the cost of the three and a half hour flight plus the cost of the carer she had hired for Jason and then drown herself in Shiraz and return home with determination to forget the army medic had ever existed. As hard as that would be.

She stopped and scanned the arrivals bay, seeking out the familiar flash of blonde that did such ridiculously fluttery things to her stomach. Bernie was taller than most of the gathered mass and yet still she could not see her. Her heart sank to her feet. She'd miscalculated. Bernie had strung her along with the texts, was probably curled up in her flat laughing at how gullible Serena was. The baby was probably just a random child she found in the hospital. Oh god the hospital. The staff at Holby were going to love this. She had officially been well and truly humiliated. Perhaps it was time she seemed another job on the other side of town. She couldn't move, Jason could just about tolerate her leaving him in capable trusted hands but she was certain a large upheaval wouldn't end well for either of them. Perhaps St James' was hiring. No, that would do either, the rumour mill would surely follow her such a short distance and besides Marcus worked there and no matter how heartbroken Bernie had made her, she still wanted to strangle the man for what he'd put his ex wife through.

Tap tap tap.

She spun.

'Bernie!'

'Hello Fraulein. Sorry I accidentally went to departures instead of arrivals. My mind is truly all over the place between angry Buddha and the prospect of seeing you again. I realised just after I sent the last text and I don't think I ran this fast even when I was running away from a bomb.' Bernie was clearly out of breath, her hair is disarray, cheeks red from exertion.

'Bernie.'

'That's my name, don't wear it out.' Serena, much to her embarrassment, burst into tears and threw herself at Bernie, wrapping the blonde tightly in her arms. 'I take it you're happy to see me?' Serena pulled back and grabbed Bernie’s face between her hands, yanking the usually unemotional yet currently also crying blonde towards her until their lips met in a clash of relief.

'I thought you'd changed your mind, that you'd only been making fun of me when you texted.’ Bernie gasped, burying her face further into the brunette locks she’d dreamed of running her fingers through for so many weeks.

‘Oh my darling. I've really messed this up haven't I?’

‘I should have trusted you more.’

‘I gave you no reason to. I ran away and when I had the chance to come home early I balked and made the situation worse. You deserve so much better than me.’ She sighed, daring to trail the back of her fingers over Serena’s cheek, shifting to pull her even closer.

‘Perhaps I do but it's you that I want, you that I love. Do you think I'd travel all this way for anyone else?’

‘You'd better not. You're all mine Serena.’

‘Oh I am, am I?’

‘If you'll have me.’

‘I'd be glad to. Now take me to your daughter.’

* * *

‘Here she is.’ Bernie grinned as she almost skipped across the room, pulling her Serena over to the far incubator in which lay a tiny, perfect, child. Serena gasped, falling instantly for the little girl who had already caused such heartache for her, forgiving both her and her mother in a moment.

‘Oh Bernie, she's beautiful. You're going to be a real heartbreaker one day my girl. Whatever happens in the future between your Mummy and I, I will always be here for you alright? Bernie are you crying?' 

'Uh hormones? I never thought I'd have a second chance to be a mother. I've pretty much destroyed any chance of fixing it with Char, and Cam still barely talks to me. She's my miracle and I'm not going to fuck it up again. Plus, I thought I'd ruined it between us so to have you here, have you promise to care for my daughter even if I screw this up.’ Serena tore her gaze from the baby, hurt shining in her eyes at what the two of them had suffered to get to this point. She knew she had to be honest with Bernie, she couldn’t pretend that everything was suddenly tickety boo and marvellous. The blonde may have had a good reason to stay here, but the reason she left was still a point of contention.

‘Do not mistake my being here for my not being hurt, and bloody confused by your actions. If it wasn't for madam here, then I likely wouldn't even be talking to you. But I am here, and damn you I can’t stay angry with you. I love you Bernie, I love you so much that I will always forgive you. With you I can be the person I truly am, the best version of me. Thank you for that.’

‘You have every right to be angry and hurt. I went about this all wrong and I cannot ever apologise enough. But I can tell you something I realised very quickly whilst I was here. I was scared, I'm not now.’

‘You're not?’

‘I'm not. I know I still have a long way to go to making up for all of this, but I love you Serena Campbell. Will you be my girlfriend? Even though I've got a preemie?’

‘I think we're rather too old for that label but yes I will, and she's not an even though, she's a bonus. A beautiful, miraculous, amazing, bonus.’

‘I bloody love you.’ Bernie laughed.

‘Have you thought of a name for her yet?’

‘No.’

‘You said Marcus named the other two? Well what did you dream of calling your children when you were growing up?’

‘I never really thought about it. I wasn't the broody sort, if I had kids then great but I wasn't going to be heartbroken if I never did. Although when I was very young...’ Bernie trailed off, embarrassed by her secret desire. Marcus had never pushed her to answer why she had handed the naming of their children to him, had never really asked much about her childhood. Her parents had died before she met him and therefore his family was the only one that mattered, his childhood the only one to reminisce over, It wouldn’t have been so bad if his parents had embraced her with open arms but they were traditional, they thought a wife and mother should stay at home to care for her family, not have a career, and definitely not work abroad in such an ‘unladylike’ profession.

‘Yes?

‘I can't. It's silly.’

‘What is it?’

‘Clementine.’ Serena had to strain to hear the barely audible mumble that fell from the delectable lips of her girlfriend.

‘Clementine?’ She repeated, smiling as Bernie nodded slightly. ‘That's lovely.’

‘It's old fashioned.’

‘Lots of 'old fashioned' names are making a comeback. I think it suits her, she looks like a Clementine. If that's what you want to call her then I think you should go for it.’

‘Clementine Wolfe. Clementine Rose Wolfe.’

‘Welcome to the world, Clemmie.’

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully the length of this chapter will more than make up for the delay in updating.

_‘Hello everyone. Just a quick message to say that I arrived here in one piece. I've seen the baby and she's even more beautiful in the flesh, absolutely precious, I'd forgotten just how perfectly formed little starfish hands were. She's the spitting image of her mother. Speak of the devil.’_   

_‘What are you doing?' Bernie asked as she settled across her girlfriends lap, wrapping her arms loosely around Serena's neck as she nuzzled the spot behind her ear she'd already learnt was so sensitive._    

_‘I'm recording a message to send to Morven and the boys, plus the inevitable dozens of other people they'll show it to.’_   

_‘Oh. Sorry.' Bernie made to jump off of the warm lap she fitted in so perfectly but found herself yanked back down with a sharp tug._   

_‘You stay!’_   

_‘Aye aye Fraulein.’_   

_‘As you can see I've made the terrible life decision to forgive Bernie for her sheer bloody stubborn stupidity.’_   

_‘Yeah I love you too. Thanks for the presents guys, Clemmie will love the stuffed Wolf once she's out of the incubator I'm sure, and Morven that onesie was delightful! I can't believe you drew that design yourself and managed to get it made up so quickly.’_   

  _‘Clemmie's the baby just for the record.’_   

  _‘Oh yes, sorry. Angry Buddha is now known as Clementine Rose Wolfe.’_   

_‘It took you long enough to decide. I have a feeling the Angry Buddha nickname may just stick around as a result.’_   

_‘It's been a hectic week! My brain is somewhat frazzled.’_   

_‘I should hope so if you're going to start using words like that.’_   

  _‘Frazzled is a perfectly acceptable word thank you very much.’_   

  _‘Go back to sleep, you're cranky.’_   

_‘Yes dear. Can I borrow your phone so I can show them Clemmie? Thanks. Well here she is folks, she's been on and off the ventilator for most of the day, I haven't been able to hold her yet but she's already got one hell of a grip. You can't see them right now but her eyes are the spit of mine, it's actually rather unsettling. Cam and Char were clones of their father as babies so I'm not used to it. Cam's visiting at the weekend and hopefully Charlotte is coming too. I hope we can come home soon so you can all meet her in person and she can meet her aunts and uncles. I don't have any siblings and my parents both died when I was a teenager so she doesn't have much in terms of traditional family. If I'm honest you are all the closest thing I've had to a stable family since Mama and Daddy died, I never got along with my in-laws and I screwed up my marriage and my grown up children. Clementine is my second chance to build a proper family and I would like to, no I do, consider you a part of it. I'm not really into the whole 'christening' thing but I would be honoured in you three would consider yourselves her godparents. She couldn’t do much better than you. What do you think Serena?’_  

_‘I think they’ll be brilliant.’_   

_‘I was planning to ask Jason as well but I wasn't sure how he'd react. Non christening godparents aren't exactly logical.’_   

_‘I'm sure he'd love to once you explain it to him. In fact, he'll probably know more about the concept than you once he's finished researching it all.’_   

_‘Look at this whole binder of research he did on preemies. I don't know what I did to be gifted with such a wonderful friend in him. Serena are you crying?’_   

_‘Stop the filming.’_   

___

  _‘Back again. Sorry, Serena was being weepy.’_    

_‘Berenice!’_   

_‘Uh oh. I'm in the dog house now. Clemmie woke up a few minutes ago so I managed to get some pictures of them and some of her pulverising Serena's fingers I’ll attach them to the message._  

_‘I'm seriously concerned that her father might actually be the Incredible Hulk.’_   

_‘That would explain her green skin now I think about it.’_   

_‘And to think we were so worried about it.’_    

_‘I think she already has favourite between us and the die has not been cast my way. Anyway we didn't just want to end the video on Serena being an overly emotional old woman.’_   

_‘Shut it!’_   

_‘So this is goodbye for now. I hope you enjoyed the mess that was this message in two parts. I miss you all so much and Clemmie can't wait to meet you all.’_   

_‘Bye folks.’_   

* * *

‘Knock knock. Is there a baby sister of mine in here? I come bearing coffee and presents.’ A familiar voice chuckled from the doorway. The couple span around to see Cameron leaning against the doorway to the NICU, indeed ladened with three coffees and a bag. Bernie grinned, she hadn’t told Cam that Serena was here yet here he was handing one to her girlfriend without even a start of surprise.  

 ‘Cam! Darling you really came.’ She wrapped her arms around her son, her eldest child who it seemed only days before had been the size of her darling Clementine.   

‘Of course I did, this is my sister and someone’s going to have to teach her how to wrap you around her little finger.’  

‘She's already done that believe me. She yawned earlier and I almost cried. Oh I'm so glad to see you sweetheart. I missed you so much, talking over FaceTime just isn't the same.’  

‘I missed you too. How are you?’ 

‘Tired, happy, hungry.’ 

‘Mum you’re always hungry, I thank god I inherited your metabolism after all the food we ate growing up.’ 

‘True. I like the beard by the way, very grown up looking. The scruff you had when I saw you at work was just a tad on the messy side but this, oh my baby boy isn’t a baby anymore. You couldn't persuade Char to come with you then? That’s a shame, Clemmie would adore her. Has there been any thaw from her at all? I’m so glad I have you back in my life Cam but I’m dying to have her back in my arms too.’ 

‘Actually-’ Cam coughed awkwardly, his hand coming up to rub the back pf neck in an achingly familiar gesture of guilt.  

‘Hi Mum.’ A lanky blonde girl stepped through the door, face unreadable as her eyes flickered over each occupant of the room, a smile only breaking through at the sight of the incubator at the far end of the room.  

‘Charlotte. Oh my god Charlotte.' Bernie rushed over to her daughter but stopped short, awkwardly holding her arms out in an aborted embrace.  

‘I'm here for Clementine’s sake not yours.’ The twenty years old gaze snapped back to her mothers, a myriad of emotions flitting through them as the girl decided how she felt about the turn of events. 

‘I understand. Might I be allowed to hug my eldest daughter who I've missed so much? My darling beautiful baby girl?’  

‘If you must.’  

'How thin you've gotten. Oh come here sweetheart.' Bernie wrapped her arms tightly around her daughter, painfully aware of how long it had been since she'd last done so and how long it could be until the next time. She was suddenly aware of moisture seeping through the shoulder of her shirt, swiftly followed by the unmistakable sound of a muffled sniffles of tears. 'Charlotte? Darling what is it?’ 

‘I was so angry with you, I still am. I promised myself I would be strong and stay angry but I've missed you so much. I love you mumma.’ Charlotte’s legs gave out as sobs overtook her body, her mother’s arms the only thing stopping her from hitting the ground with a thump. Slowly Bernie lowered Charlotte down so that her little girl was curled up in her lap. Dropping a kiss into the long blonde hair that was covering her chest, Bernie allowed herself to start crying too.  

 ‘Oh Lottie Bear I've missed you too, every day without you is so painful. I know I've been a terrible mother but you cannot even begin to fathom how much I love you. You are my eldest daughter, the only daughter I thought I'd ever have and you are so precious to me. I promise you I'll never leave you again.’   

‘Why did you keep leaving us in the first place? Why …why did you choose that Alex woman over us? Why weren’t we enough?’ Bernie’s heart broke for the hundredth time since the divorce, this was what she’d wanted to avoid, what she’d always tried to shield her children from.  

 ‘Charlotte Vanessa Dunn don't you be so stupid. I never once choose Alex over you or your brother, I never once didn’t feel my heart shatter into pieces as I left on duty. I would never, could never, turn my back on you. You are everything to me. I think we need to have a serious, grown-up talk about all of this. It's time I was completely honest with you as painful as it may be for everyone involved. I cannot bear to lose you again, I thought I knew pain when we were separated by distance but having the two of you not talk to me, knowing that you were twenty minutes away from me hating me was the most unimaginable pain. It may be selfish but I need you. Serena can you-’  

 ‘I'll stay with Clemmie.’ Serena offered immediately, well aware of just how close Bernie and Charlotte had been once upon a time, and how heartbroken the blonde had been to lose her. She wasn’t even trying to hide the sheen of tears that had covered her eyes at the unexpectedly beautiful reunion in front of her. Neither blonde moved from their position on the floor, instead looking up to speak to the other inhabitants of the room.   

‘Oh Charlotte this is Serena.’  

 ‘Nice to meet you. Cam’s told me all about you, I take it mum finally saw sense and let you into her heart?’   

‘She did.’  

‘Good, don’t hurt her, and don’t let her hurt you. If Cam is to believed you might just be the best thing to ever happen to her.’ 

‘Cameron!’  

‘I only told her what Morv and Jase have told me.’  

‘Since when have you been friends with them?’ Serena queried, forehead crinkling in confusion. She thought she knew his schedule down pat yet she was completely unaware of how and when he could have come into contact with Bernie’s son. The blonde was similarly confused as to her son’s relationship with the junior doctor she’d grown so fond of. 

‘Jase sometimes visiting the soup kitchen Morven and I volunteer at.’ 

‘I didn't know she did that.’ 

‘Apparently she likes being somewhere that no-one treats her like a widow.’  

‘Oh.’  

‘I didn't know we were. Well no more of that, intentional or no. Now there's a semi decent cafeteria a few floors down, would you like me to grab you something Serena?’  

‘Whatever you think I'd like.’  

‘Sorry I don't think they sell giant vats of shiraz here. Now help this old woman off of the floor before I have to live down here.’  

* * *

 

‘So? You said you were going to be honest with us- now's your chance. I don’t care if it’s difficult to talk about, I don’t care if you think it’s too much for us. Cam and I are adults so please just tell us what is going in your head.’   

‘Right. Okay, here goes. First of all, I have to apologise for springing Clemmie on you, I honestly didn't know she was there until she was born. I always have been rather dense when it comes to my own body. I'm sorry that it took such an occasion to bring us together Little Bear, I'm sorry that it took a car crash for us to talk Cam. Please believe me that everything that went down between your father and I, every time I left the country or fell into bed with Alex, it had no bearing on my love for you. I married your father when I was young, he was my best friend and I loved him. We really were extremely happy together for the first few years, having you two only made us happier. I thought I'd married my soulmate but I realised a few years after you were born Charlotte, that whilst I loved your Dad I wasn't in love with him. Perhaps I was at first I don't know.’  

‘Here's your coffees.’ The server placed their drinks on the table, eyes twinkling with the knowledge that if he just hung around for a bit, he may be able to catch some much-needed gossip. Hospital cafeterias could be dreadfully boring at times. 

‘Thanks.’ 

‘Your Dad's family always hated me, I always tried to hide it from you, tried to act polite and get you to be nice to them because I know how much you love them, but they controlled my life from the moment the wedding ring was on my finger. I wanted to move to the countryside before we had kids but your father was, still is, scared of change, and his family lived nearby and they guilt tripped me into staying where we were. I wanted to travel, to see the world and explore the places in my parents travel journals. As you know those journals were the only thing I had left of theirs after the fire and I clung to it. I thought if I could go to some of those places, if I could expand our minds and horizons then I could feel closer to them. But your father refused, he cashed in family favours to get us both jobs at the local hospital, and then said I couldn't refuse after all of the effort his father had gone to to get me the job. It wasn't even in the right department; they just didn't want me to leave. They hated that I worked, thought I should stay at home and be a good housewife and churn out baby after baby but controlling where I worked was the next best option. If they put me into a position, then they could remove it if they felt I was dragging my heels on giving them heirs.'  

 ‘Oh Mum.’ ‘I was trapped, stifled, and I hated it, I came to resent your father. It wasn’t until after the pair of you were born that he started to act even more like his parents. I still loved him, when he was away from his family he was the same lovely man I'd fallen for in med school, we still had moments where we were best friends. I will always love him, if for no reason more than for giving me you two, my beloved, beautiful, amazing children who I love with all of my heart. Then I was scouted by the army, your Dad and I got into a blazing row and I asked him for a divorce for the very first time. I don't know if either of you remember it but I took you both and ran. I couldn't bear the thought of you two being raised like he had, becoming him.’  

‘I was trapped, stifled, and I hated it, I came to resent your father. It wasn’t until after the pair of you were born that he started to act even more like his parents. I still loved him, when he was away from his family he was the same lovely man I'd fallen for in med school, we still had moments where we were best friends. I will always love him, if for no reason more than for giving me you two, my beloved, beautiful, amazing children who I love with all of my heart. Then I was scouted by the army, your Dad and I got into a blazing row and I asked him for a divorce for the very first time. I don't know if either of you remember it but I took you both and ran. I couldn't bear the thought of you two being raised like he had, becoming him.’   

‘The week we spent in the Scotland highlands at your Gran's cottage?  

‘Yes. The police found us, Marcus had reported you kidnapped by me. We managed to persuade you two that the police were just passing through and Marcus promised not to press charges if I brought you home.  We agreed to send some time apart, I begrudgingly allowed you to stay with him whilst I enlisted in a three-month tour. I think your grandparents had talked him into doing it, I'd given them you two so I didn't matter to them anymore. One night I overheard them saying that at least I might get killed and then your father could marry a younger woman and give them more grandchildren. Leaving you two that first time was the second hardest experience of my life, beaten only by the first time you two were old enough to realise that I wasn't coming back for a while. It was supposed to be a one off tour, some time for me to scratch an itch and cool off.’  

‘What happened then?’ 

‘I fell in love.’  

 ‘With Alex?’ 

‘With myself? I'd been married for 15 years and had completely forgotten who I was when I wasn't under the Dunn thumb. Once I stopped crying from missing you two I started crying because for the first time since I was in my teens I was happy with who I was as a person. I also fell in love with the lifestyle, the opportunity to see new places and meet new people. I was bitten by the army bug, there was no way I was going to go back to being a full time subservient to your grandparents. When I came back to blighty I almost changed my mind about going back, when you two ran into my arms and told me you'd missed me I vowed never to be more than two minutes away from you at any time.’  

 ‘That resolve lasted long.’  

 ‘Then your father told me he'd cheated on me whilst I was away. It was really quite a feat how he managed to twist it to seem like it was my own fault for leaving him like I did. I forgave him in my stupidity. He'd told me upfront and seemed somewhat remorseful so I stayed with him for the sake of you kids. I may have been absent for the past few months but you still deserved to have a two parent in one house family. I thought it was for the best, though I now wonder what would have happened if I’d asked him for a divorce again. I could have raised you two as a happy person, I could have raised you not in a house of discontent.’  

‘Mum-‘  

  ‘He didn't stop there though-for the first time he told me I was ruining you two. I didn't even realise it until I met Alex but he had been lowkey emotionally abusing me for years, twisting situations with a clever word or action to make it seem I had messed up when I hadn’t. From that declaration he stepped it up, by the end of the week he had me convinced that the best thing I could ever do for you was to leave and limit the amount of damage I could cause you. He was sneaky. In public, around you two, he acted so kindly towards me, but in private he was so vile and lewd. He was a natural father, I knew he'd never turn on you two like he did me, so I felt comfortable leaving the three of you together. You were happier without me, he'd rub it in every time he would phone or write to me, he'd tell me of all the fun things you'd done together and tell me how happy you were when I wasn't around. I hate myself for allowing him into my head, I hate him for being so weak as to allow his parents and his sister to talk him into turning you slowly against me. I fully admit I could have fought more against it but at the time I barely realised what was going on.’  

 ‘I’m so sorry Mum.’  

 ‘It was only after I'd come to Holby and your father and I officially separated that I had the time and space to realise what he'd done. It was only once he got you two to write those statements against me for the divorce proceedings that I realised how badly I'd failed you as a mother. I knew I wasn't exactly Maria Von Trapp but I thought I'd at least done a decent job of being a mother, even if that meant leaving you to save you from me. I only stayed away so often because I loved you so much. It's stupid I know. Please don't hate your father for what he did, I truly believe he didn't realise what he was going, your grandparents and your aunt Emily are very skilled at manipulating him without his realising. He always indulged you when I was away, spoilt you rotten, organised dentist appointments for when I was home so you'd associate me with the mundane and unpleasant aspects of life. God how could I have been so stupid as to not realise. I'm so sorry kids, I failed you.’ Bernie started to cry, the relief of finally being able to explain to her children everything that had been going on behind the scenes their entire lives feeling like a shackle had been released from her neck. No longer was she hiding behind Marcus, no longer would she stand to be the root of her family’s problems. Soon, she hoped, she’d be able to fully explain to Serena what she’d just shared but it felt right that her now adult children should be the ones she finally opened up to.’  

‘Oh mum. I'm so sorry too. We should have realised that you were suffering, I can't believe Dad would do that to you.’ Cameron had been silent during his mother’s revelations, leaving his sister to interject the odd gasp or comment. It made sense now that he thought about it, his mother had seemed so much more complete when he’d seen her after his accident, so much more settled as a person. At the time he’d chalked it up to being due to Serena and the bond they shared that already had run so deep, even if it hadn’t quite flourished into the love he’d been fleetingly witness to just half an hour previously.’   

‘I always made sure to hide it so you wouldn't see. It was my weakness, or so I thought. Your father managed to set me thinking that if you knew how I felt that you would try to persuade me otherwise due to your juvenile understanding of the damage I was inflicting.’

‘Bastard!’  

‘Language Cameron!’  

‘Sorry. No wonder you fell for someone else. From the time she visited the house I could see how much Alex loved you, cared for you. I can’t believe I didn’t notice how differently she thought of you from how Dad did.’

‘She was an oasis in the middle of the desert, if you'll pardon the cliché. She made me feel safe when there was danger at every corner, she would comfort me the nights when I would cry myself to sleep missing you two and try to fix the damage your father was causing me. She was so much more than some army fling, I honestly thought she might be the love of my life yet I treated her terribly too. I regret that I hurt you two by lying, but I will never for a moment regret falling in love with Alex. She put together the broken pieces of me until I recognised myself again, I wish you could have met her properly without all of the hurt.’

‘Why didn’t you leave Dad when we grew up? After the IED you could have told him straight off that you wouldn’t take his shit anymore. Yes, sorry I swore but I feel it’s justified in the situation. We probably wouldn’t have been thrilled to hear that our parents were separating but it would have been better than what ended up happening. We would have just been happy to have our mother home again.’

‘Your Dad was… different after the IED. I thought he’d changed his tune, I think he did actually, he was certainly trying. I really tried to fall back in love with him but compared to the love I’d had with Alex it was just…I deserved better. I couldn’t spend the rest of my life knowing there was happiness out there, even if I’d hurt Alex too much by staying here and breaking up with her over the phone. As much as what your father told me that wasn’t true about me, one thing was correct-I hurt everyone I love. It's why I came to Kyiv, to save Serena from me, I couldn't bear to hurt her yet I did just that by leaving. I don't deserve her but I forgot that love is reciprocal, she loves me too and for some reason that's enough for her.’  

‘She seems lovely Mum. I’ve never seen you look so complete, it’s like you found the other part of you, your missing jigsaw piece. Wow, sorry that was extremely corny wasn’t it?’  

‘I can't believe she actually came here, let alone give me a second chance. I don’t deserve her but I will spend the rest of my life, if she’ll let me, trying to show her how much I love her. She already adores Clemmie, not that I can blame her. So now you know everything more or less.’  

‘Thank you for finally being straight with us.’  

‘Uh Cam she's definitely not straight unless Alex and Serena have a secret in their pants.’  

‘Little Lottie Bear.' Bernie couldn't believe her daughter could make jokes about her sexuality, could laugh after so many months of not speaking to her. 'I love you two so much, you and Clementine will always be my number ones. I want to spend the rest of my life with Serena but she will always come second to you    

‘I love you too mummy bear. Now I’d really like to meet my sister.’  


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I should probably apologise for this fic taking 5 months #oops

‘Is she allowed out of there yet?' Charlotte asked as she peered into the incubator that held her new sibling. Whatever else may surround her sister there was one fact that was undeniable-Clementine was absolutely gorgeous. As a child, she had longed for a younger sibling, someone she could teach about the world and play with, someone she could recruit to gang up on their older brother, but she'd given up hope around her ninth birthday, announcing rather abruptly that Mummy and Daddy were too old for that know. The memory made her laugh-here she was 12 years later with the child she had dreamed of. She knew it could never be as she'd imagined all those years ago- she was two decades older than her sister, there would be no shared childhood memories, no sharing schools. That didn't have to mean this would be worse, however. ‘Can we hold her?

‘Not just yet but the doctors say if she continues to strengthen as quickly as she has over the past week then we may be allowed to hold her for a few minutes tomorrow. There are no guarantees, though.'

‘How long until Cam and I will be able to hold her then?'

‘Tomorrow-I just said that Are you feeling alright sweetheart?'

‘Yeah but if she's only allowed out for a few minutes then it should be you and Serena who get to hold her.' Serena jumped up and backed away from the group, horror creeping over her face. 

‘Oh, I wouldn't dream of-I'm not-‘

‘Serena.' Charlotte span and levelled her with an oh so familiar glare. In that moment, Serena could see the woman she loved in the young woman before her. ‘Are you or are you not planning on being in my sister's life?'

‘Well, yes, I am.'

‘And you're in love with my mother?'

‘Very much so.'

‘Then Clemmie is your daughter as much as Mum's as far as I'm concerned. Mum loves you and I've never seen her happier than when she talks about you, there's no way I'm going to let her mess this up for us, even if it means taking the situation into my own hands.'

‘Thanks for the vote of confidence.'

‘So long as you don't treat either of them as shittily as Dad did Mum then you're in for the long haul. No backing out now.' Grinning, Charlotte strode across the room and dragged the still uneasy looking Serena back towards the incubator. ‘If you want it, this is your daughter.'

‘Lottie Bear please do not scare Serena away.' Despite the fact her words were directed to her eldest daughter, Bernie could drag her gaze away from the woman before her. ‘She can be, or not be, whatever she wants to be in Clementine's life. Please remember that despite everything that's gone on we've only been properly together for a few days. Serena is my best friend and she vowed to always look out for Clemmie even if we didn't work out but it's unfair to expect her, or me, to suddenly have everything sorted and concrete.'

‘You're right. Sorry, Mum. Sorry, Serena.' Charlotte found herself wrapped in an embrace from the two women. She may have only known Serena a few hours but was suddenly abundantly clear where the newfound hugging skills her mother had demonstrated earlier, had come from. Even more shocking than the intense hug was the look she'd seen passed between Serena and her mother-Bernie loved this woman in a way Charlotte had never seen directed towards her father. In hindsight it should have been an indicator that all was not well between her parents that her mum could barely look Dad in the eye or smile at him, she hadn't seen the pair of them kiss since she was a child or hug since she wasn't much older. She was jealous, in a way, that Clementine would be able to grow up with two parents that loved each other fiercely- no matter what reservations the pair of them may currently have, Charlotte knew that Serena would be Mummy to her sister quicker than anyone could imagine. Already she could see the maternal side to her new friend as Serena continued to hold her, even after her mother had broken away.

‘Oh it's alright sweetheart, you're passionate, I like that in a girl. I promise you Charlotte- I will do everything in my power not to intentionally harm your mother, sister, or you two, but I will not make any promises. Does what I have with your mother feel like it could be lifelong? Sure. Do I feel more confident in being with her than with anyone else? I do. Have I already fallen in love with Clementine? I sure have. But I won't promise forever. Not yet anyway. At least let your Mum buy me a drink first.'

‘Why do I have to buy?'

‘Because you buggered off to Kyiv in the first place.'

‘Fair do's. Would you two like to hold your sister's hands? You'll have to be careful not to disrupt any of the wirings but it's what we've been doing so far. Make sure you sanitise them thoroughly first though-Cam I know you know how but do you remember what I taught you, Lottie?'

‘In painful clarity.  There-satisfied?'

‘Satisfied enough.'

‘Good. Hello, Clementine Rose Wolfe. You've got quite the name there haven't you? What am I going to nickname you that no one else will be allowed to get away with then? As a goodwill gesture of sisterly love, I'm going to allow you to call your brother Cammie, but only the two of us can do it. And in return, I suppose you can call me Charlie like he can. How about Tine? No, too obscure. Menti? Sounds like Minty and you are neither a tube of toothpaste or a character from EastEnders. CR? Clem Shell. How about Rosie? Yeah, I can see that. Only between us though- we're going to have so much fun together you and me. I'm going to teach you everything there is to know about how to wind up Mum and wrap her around your little finger. I have so much blackmail on her and she doesn't even realise but I suppose I can share a titbit or two with you. I know it's going to be weird growing up with siblings that are so much older than you are but we'll try our best. When you're 16 and trying to sneak out of the house to meet your boyfriend on a motorcycle you just come to your big sis who'll be in her mid-thirties by then and I'll help you out. You will never know quite how much of a miracle you are. You brought our family together again- you stopped mum being a pig-headed doofus with Serena, you facilitated my getting over myself and reuniting with mum. We're a stubborn lot us Wolfe women and I have a feeling you're going to be the worst of us all.'

‘Heaven help us. Not another one.' Cam groaned as he took his new sister's other hand. 'Hi, little sister. I never thought I'd say that again I can tell you. You're not going to have a daddy so I guess it's up to me and Jase to keep you on the straight and narrow although you won't have a shortage of uncles I'm sure. Those Raf and Fletch blokes seem to be good friends with Mum from what I've heard and Mr Griffin and Mr Hanssen are friends with Serena, even if Mum once punched a wall in frustration over Mr Griffin, so I'm sure they'll love you too.'

‘You punched a wall?'

‘Ric had spent the best part of a shift clashing with me and accusing me of undermining him.' Bernie shrugged, smirking as her love simply rolled her eyes out of desperation.

‘Oh dear. You two really didn't get on, did you?'

‘Let's just say it was a good thing I moved to AAU or there might have been a bloody murder perpetrated on either side.'

‘Am I going to have to referee between the two of you?'

‘Not at all! I know he's your best friend and I wouldn't dare dream of trying to get in the way of that. I like him far more now we don't work together.'

‘Good. And you're wrong about one thing- Ric is a very dear friend of mine, yes, but you are my best friend. Even though you're kind of a walking disaster. In the best of senses of course.'

‘Of course.' They all laughed, the Dunn siblings all too familiar with the less than stellar aspects of their mother. Cam suddenly had a thought-

‘Jason and... Elinor, was it?  Are going to visit? If you're going to a part of Clemmie's life then surely they will too. Mum said that Jason is like a son to you so does that make him Clemmie's brother or cousin? Assuming you adopt Clemmie as your daughter that is.'

‘I'm flying back in a few days so Jason and I can fly over together. He's never been on a plane before so I want to make sure it goes as smoothly as possible. It's up to him what role he wants to take-it'll be a struggle for him to adapt to everything. Even if I take more of a stepmother role than a hands-on mother to Clementine it's a big change. I don't know if your Mum mentioned but the current plan is for the two of them are going to move in with Jason and I when Clementine is discharged if Jason agrees.'

‘Safe. He's a good guy. He'll make a fantastic big brother/cousin I'm certain.'

‘You know him?' Serena turned to Bernie who simply shrugged in response, just as confused and surprised to hear of their boys knowing each other.

‘I sometimes volunteer at a homeless shelter/soup kitchen and he visits sometimes. He likes to chat with the others so we can justify the expense of an extra mouth to feed although since a few of us spoke to him he's buying his food on the way and shares it out. He's particularly fond of the cottage pie although I'm reliably informed it isn't a patch on his Auntie Serena's.'

‘I had no idea.' Serena was horrified- cam may have said it was alright but the fact remained that Jason was taking up precious resources. Not to mention the fact that he apparently visited often, and she had had no idea-if she was too old to keep up with her 25yr old nephew then what chance had she of managing a baby.

‘You should be very proud of him.'

‘I am.'

‘And Elinor? Have you told her? How did she take it?'

‘I've phoned her explaining everything. I left it up to her how she wishes to proceed but I made it clear that whatever she decided I'm sticking by your mother and sister, though. She'll likely be in a huff for a while and complain to her father before remembering what an idiot he is and how vacuous his wife is and come running back to Mummy. She'll need some time to adjust, I'm afraid she rather takes after me in stubbornness.'

‘Poor Clemmie is doomed.' Bernie muttered under her breath, not expecting her words to be heard by anyone, and indeed her eldest two children remained blissfully aware of them. She had, however, vastly underestimated her girlfriends hearing, honed from decades of raising a petulant daughter and keeping sleep deprived, grumbling junior doctors in line. A smack to the shoulder was Bernie's punishment for such a transgression.'

‘Where are you two staying? My flat isn't too big but if one of you don't mind sleeping on the floor we should be okay.'

‘Oh, so I'm staying in your bed, am I?'

‘Uh...god. Serena I-'Bernie stared at her girlfriend, horrified-she'd not meant anything such as Serena was implying she was intimating. She loved Serena, truly she did, but it was way too soon for anything of that ilk. They'd only formally been a couple for three days, even if she'd been in love with Serena for many months now, and the last thing she wanted to do was rush it and risk scaring her away. They may know each other 90% inside and out- in face Bernie was certain her best friend knew her better than anyone, even herself- but it was the last 10% the part that was terrifying and came from a stable, steady, long-term, commitment was critical to the success of their budding romantic relationship. A few days sat by an incubator and a few verbal commitments did not suddenly make them an infallible unit. Even if it did, right now the thought of anyone going anywhere near her lower abdomen and pelvic area sent a shudder down her-she may not have birthed Clemmie thorough traditionally natural methods but her nether region had still taken quite a beating up until the point she had been rushed into surgery.

‘I'm joking. Just try and stop me.'

‘Ewww. Children present.'

‘Just to sleep! If you'll recall I just had a person yanked out of me and I'll have you know it still hurts like a bitch.'

‘Delightful.'

‘Believe me, Cam you were much worse.'

Out of nowhere Bernie suddenly burst into tears, hands balling against her eyes in a futile attempt to stem the tears from pouring down her face.

‘Uhhhh Mum?' Charlotte took a tentative step forwards to lay a hand on her mother's shaking shoulder. ‘Are you alright, you're scaring me?'

‘I am, I'm more than alright in fact. I can definitively say that I have never been happier than I am at this moment. All my favourite people minus Jason are in the same room at the same time. I don't know Ellie at all but I'm sure if she's anything like her mother I'll come to love her as well. A year ago, my life was a mess and suddenly I'm happier than I ever dared to dream I could be. I know I'm not good at expressing my emotions but I want you two to know that I love you so much, you make me proud every day and I'm going to be a better mother to you I promise, I'm only sorry it took Clemmie to make me realise I needed to get my shit together. And Serena. My darling, beautiful, wonderful, Serena, I know I don't deserve your love after what I put you through so I promise I will never take you or us for granted. It's not going to be easy but I will spend every day of the rest of my life working to keep us happy. It's ironic really-it took me being blown apart to find the place where I am complete.'

‘You should write for Clintons.' Cam suggested, grinning as his mother rolled her eyes.

‘Very funny. I'm so sorry, I've been so wrapped up in myself and Clemmie. How are you two? How's the studying going Cam-we gonna make a doctor out of you?'

‘It's going well. I'm glad I decided to go back, if for no reason more than getting you off my back with the pestering.'

‘I only want what's best for you.'

‘It's true Cameron-I've never seen your Mum happier, or prouder, than the day you were accepted back into med school' That had been a night to remember-a mere day before Bernie's unceremonious departure from the country, she had bounded into their shared office brandishing her phone with a grin so wide Serena had almost been a little scared. After eventually calming her best friend, Serena had ascertained that Cam had set his mother a photo of his acceptance email along with a promise to do better the second time around. They had decided, after agreeing that Cam had not failed the first time around and that Bernie should make sure her son knew that, that a celebration was in order and so they had gone to the infamous restaurant with the extensive wine list and spent a very enjoyable evening in each other's company. At the end of the night both women had felt, as they had discovered their first night by Clementine's bedside, the overwhelming urge to kiss the other, the invitation to join her for a nightcap on the tip of Serena's tongue. Both knew what the other was thinking and both knew if the other made the first step then they probably would not even make it up the stairs. But they were both very drunk, and even in their intoxicated state they knew that now was not the moment to make any decisions so Bernie had left Serena on her doorstep with a kiss to a cheek and a twinkle in her eye. That night both women had decided tomorrow was the day they would approach the other and take the first steps to being together, both unaware of Henrik Hanssen's plan.

‘I know you do Mum, and I'd love to say it was you that made me go back but the final kick up the arse was from Morven.'

‘Morven? How on earth do you know her? She wasn't in that day you crashed.'

‘Oh we met at the homeless shelter, she works there. It was actually her who talked Jason into bringing his own food. We stay in touch from time to time. I even went out clubbing with her housemate and two of the paramedics one night. She can really throw back her liquor and I don't think I will ever be able to forget her dancing- that was truly something else!'

‘Wow.'

‘She had to run off though-I think someone was stabbed. Your friend Fletch? She said he was okay in the end though?'

‘I see.'

‘Yes, he was but it was a… high emotion situation for everyone involved.'

‘What are you scoffing about.' Cam asked as his mother and Serena suddenly developed sly smirks across their face and would not meet each other's eye.

‘Just that whilst my son was out on the pull I was kissing Serena for the first time.'

‘Ew. I love you both but I do not need to imagine my mother going at it with someone.' Charlotte ducked as a toy duck, recently arrived after a fast track posting from Hanssen, was lobbed at her head.

‘But that was ages after I told you that you were in love with Serena?'

‘It was only a few weeks, and until that day I still didn't believe you.'

‘Cam saw it before we did? That's rather concerning.'  Serena frowned- if Cam had noticed after barely spending four hours on the ward, witnessing only minimal interaction between them, then when on earth did AAU and the rest of the hospital realise what was unfolding? No wonder that wretched nursery rhyme had materialised so swiftly after Bernie's departure.

‘But if you guys kissed way before you were seconded Mum then why weren't you two dating?'

‘I'm afraid that's rather my fault.' Serena raised her hand in culpability. ‘I panicked-it's not every day your female best friend snogs you on the floor in theatre and makes you realise you might not be as straight as the past five decades have led you to believe. I acted like a terrified teenager and said some rather stupid things that led your mother to propose we forget it ever happened as I was clearly so uncomfortable. If I'd realised our friendship would start getting back on track a week before she buggered off to Ukraine I might well have said to hell with it and disagreed with her let's just be friends pitch.' Bernie re-crossed the room and took her girlfriend in her arms. ‘I'm so sorry Bernie.'

‘I wouldn't change a single day. It might have led to some shit days for us but we're here now and I wouldn't want to put that at risk by changing the events that led up to it.'

‘Gag.' Charlotte groaned, very unfamiliar with this new openly loving and affectionate version of her mother. It wasn't that she wasn't thrilled for the pair of them, it would just take some getting used to.'

‘It wasn't until I had Clemmie that I realised I couldn't run away from being happy. I literally carried it with me here. Life can be full of surprises and you three, Jason, Ellie, and Clementine are the people I want to be surprised with.'

‘Speaking of Ellie. She appears to be phoning Serena.' Charlotte nodded at the brunette's phone, lit up on the sideboard. There was a tense silence as they all watched it flash ominously. 

* * *

 

Four hours earlier

 

_'Ellie sweetheart. I wasn't expecting to hear from you so soon!' She'd rung Ellie barely an hour before but had been greeted by the all too familiar voicemail. A brief message, imploring Ellie to phone her back as soon as she could, was left and honestly Serena had not expected to hear back from her daughter until tomorrow at the very least. As a result, she hadn't yet planned what she was going to say to Ellie. Not only did she have to inform her somewhat hot headed daughter that she was in a loving, committed-if fledgling-relationship with a woman, but also of the existence of Clementine and the role she hoped the baby would have in both Elinor and her lives. On top of that was the addition of Charlotte and Cameron into the mix as well as the current plan for the Wolfes to move in with Jason and her._

_'Yes, you always expect the worst when it comes to me don't you.'_

_'Elinor, you know that's not true.'_

_'So, go on then. What's this matter you had to speak to me so urgently about?'_

_'Are you sitting down?' A stall, albeit a good idea, to give her a few precious moments more to formulate her revelation._

_'Enough histrionics Mum. What's going on? Are you alright? Is Jason alright? Did you quit your job in a fit of pique and now you need to borrow some money?'_

_'I did actually stand down as deputy CEO but that's a matter for another day. This is more important. Did I ever mention my friend Bernie to you?'_

_'Army trauma surgeon, hair like a bird's nest, co-leader of AAU, and your new best friend? That Bernie? You've barely gone two minutes without mentioning her whenever we speak. so yes, you've mentioned her-why, is she ill?'_

_Serena took a deep breath- this was it, this was the moment that could change her relationship with her daughter forever, the moment she'd been dreading since she'd first realised she wanted nothing more than to run her fingers through the bird's nest._

_'I'm in love with her. We're dating. Ellie, I think she's my soulmate.'_

_'Uhhhh what?'_

_‘That's not all. She just gave birth, didn't even know she was pregnant. Clementine-she's so beautiful Ellie. I'm going to be her mum, I'm going to raise her as my daughter. You have a sister.' It was done. Both bombshells had been dropped and now she could do nothing but wait to see how big a crater had been created._

_..._

_'Ellie please say something. Elinor? Are you still there? Elinor, I can hear you breathing'_

_'I... shit Mum.' That wasn't quite the response Serena had been hoping for but at least Ellie hadn't hung up on her or told she hated her-yet._

_'Language Elinor.'_

_'Have you lost your mind?’ This was more like the reaction Serena had expected, though had hoped would not be actual, from her (she supposed now eldest) daughter._

_‘Not quite what I was hoping you'd say.’_

_‘What did you think I would say? Christ mum a baby?? How old is this Bernie woman anyway? It was bad enough then dad married someone my age but I thought you were cleverer than that.’_

_'She's 46 actually. It was an unexpected pregnancy.’ Understatement-frankly Serena was still in shock and Bernie had admitted to her that she still didn’t fully believe that Clementine was real and not part of some very vivid extended dream._

_'So what you're a lesbian now? Christ, do you even care about me? You've changed your sexuality, you replaced me with Jason and now this kid. Do I even factor into your life anymore?’_

_‘Of course I care about you. I love you more than anything in the world. You are my beautiful baby girl, my firstborn, the child I raised. I have been blessed with Jason, it’s true that he may only be my nephew but I am rapidly coming to love him as a son, I am blessed to be given the opportunity to raise a second daughter, one I hope will be just like her big sister Ellie, I've even been blessed with two stepchildren through Bernie. They don't diminish my love for you, nothing could. It's not that you have to share the love I bear you, it's that my heart has grown to incorporate others too’_

_‘I'm sorry Mum. This is too much for me to handle-at least right now.’ Serena was glad to hear sincere regret in her daughter’s voice._

_‘I know it's a shock, and that I’m asking you to take on a lot of information at once but please don't discount them straight off because it seems scary. I'm not expecting you to fly out tomorrow and adopt Clemmie as a mini-me, or become bosom buddies with Cameron and Charlotte. Just have a think, in time I hope you can see the opportunity we've been given. You always wanted siblings, and it was one of my greatest regrets that I was never able to give you some.’_

_'I’m sorry but I must ask Mum-you’re not just grasping at this, them, because of the miscarriages, are you? I know how broken up you were over them.’_

_‘I’ll not lie Ellie, I’ve been given a second chance at something I've wanted for a long time but it's not just that. I really truly love Bernie. I've only recently realised my feelings for her, that's why I didn't tell you about her sooner, but I know this is more than some fling. I want to be with her for the rest of my life and that means having Clemmie as a part of my life as well. I could just take on a step mother role to her but I don't want to. As far as I am concerned from this point on I have three daughters and two sons. I will grow to love Lottie and Cam like my own and Clemmie has already worked her way into my heart. Please Elinor just think about it. I won't hold it against you if you can't cope with all of this, you will always be my daughter. But, so will she.'_

_'I will. I'll think about it I promise. This was so not how I expected my day to go.'_

_I love you Ellie. More than you will ever know.’_

_‘I love you too. Bye mum.’_

_Bye.’_

* * *

 

Present

‘Mum?

‘Ellie. Are you alright? I thought you'd take longer before calling me.

‘I want to meet her.

‘Bernie?’  Serena was stunned. From the small amount of time her daughter had afforded herself to mull the situation over had almost certainly meant that Elinor had gone with her gut and decided to hate her mother for forever more. This was an unexpected plot twist.

‘Clementine. And Bernie. And the other two kids.’

‘Let me guess. Have you had a fight with your father?’  It was often the only reason Ellie was kind to her.

‘He was not impressed when I tried to talk to him about it all. I realised, after his bad reaction, that I probably should have asked you if it was alright for me to tell him that you were a lesbian now.’

‘I'm not a lesbian.’

‘Bisexual then. I don’t care either way so long as you’re happy.’

‘I honestly don't know what I am besides someone who is in love with Bernie. It doesn't matter that she's a woman. Don’t you worry about telling Dad, it affects you just as much as me and he's your dad, no matter what I may think about him. I would never begrudge you turning to him for help.’

‘He laughed and said he knew there was a deeper reason for you divorced him than some poxy affairs. Did he cheat on you? Why didn't you say anything?’

‘Oh, Ellie. I never wanted you to know, he's your dad. You idolised him and half hated me, I didn't want you to grow up knowing you had two shitty parents.’

‘You weren't a shitty parent! You were a brilliant Mum and I was an ungrateful brat but I'm trying to get better. I just wish you’d told me earlier. I feel like I barely know you at times because you never tell me anything that’s going on in your life until you absolutely have to-you didn’t tell me about Gran until she was almost too far gone to say goodbye to, you didn’t tell me Jason had moved in until we were due to go on holiday and you needed to find a carer, and now you didn’t tell me about Bernie until she had a baby.

‘I’m so sorry darling. I’ll try harder to be more open with you, I promise. And you can always tell me anything in return sweetheart.’

‘Mum th-there is something I n-n-need to tell you and you must p-promise not to get angry with me, and please try not to be too disappointed.’

‘Riiiight. I’m not feeling overly excited about what you’re going to say here.’

‘Mum!’

‘Alright, I promise. I will try not to get angry at you, and I will not be disappointed with whatever you need to tell me.’

‘M-m- m um I-I-I've b-b-been...’ Now Serena was worried. Elinor hadn’t stuttered this badly since she was 12 and had finished years of speech therapy. Of course, there were occasions when she would lapse somewhat but never to this extent.’

‘Ellie? Sweetheart whatever it is I'm sure it can be fixed.’ Elinor took a deep breath, Serena could hear her practising the exercises Dr Rance had taught her all those years before.

‘I'm on drugs and I don't want to be b-b-but it's the only way I can cope with the stress of uni and I want to get off them but I'm scared and I've tried several times but I always relapse and I'm so sorry Mum. P-please help me Mummy.’

‘Oh.’ Fuck.

'I knew you'd be angry.'

'I'm not.' She wasn't, she truly wasn't. She was far too busy being surprised for that, nor was she disappointed as Elinor had thought, annoyed perhaps that even after the long talk they'd had about the dangers of drugs after the infamous ecstasy/house party debacle from a few years ago, Elinor would go on to disregard all sense and imbibe.

But she couldn't judge, not really. She herself remembered the stresses of university, she'd turned to alcohol to survive her medical degree and her master’s in business at Harvard had led her to a very dark point in her life culminating in severe depression, an attempt on her life, and some highly questionable romance of choices. She knew Bernie had had her own struggles with drugs at a teenager and Cameron had left university because, in part, of his usage.

She just wished Elinor could have felt able to talk to her about her struggles instead of turning to narcotics.

But that didn't matter. What was done was done. No amount of recrimination or rumination could change that. All that mattered now was that Ellie had admitted she had a problem and had asked for help. Serena was quite sure she'd never been prouder.  

‘I need to go to rehab I know I do. I need to stop this before it becomes a big problem and starts messing up my life. I should never have taken it that first time but it all got too much and I couldn’t stop. But now I have a reason to try my hardest, to get the help I really need-I have a sister now and two step siblings. I don’t want to be the black sheep, I want to be the best sister I can be. I’d really like to meet Clementine before I go to rehab if you think that would be alright with Bernie? Do you think she would let me meet Clementine even though I might be high at the time?’ I’d understand if she didn’t want me around now. I’m a mess and she needs to protect her, sorry _your_ , daughter.

‘I'm sure she would love it for you to meet Clemmie but it really depends on what it is you're on and how it affects you.’

‘Cocaine.’

‘Is that all? Just cocaine.’ It could have been better but it could have also been so much worse.

‘Just the coke. I'm sure I wouldn't be high then but it's when the stress gets on top of me and I'm pretty nervous about all of this. My life has changed overnight.’

‘You will always be welcome.’

‘I can be there in a few hours or next week or whenever is best for Clementine. I would prefer sooner than later so I can organise the rehab. I’m going to try my best to stop now, even the thought of a potential future with siblings and a more stable family unit is decent motivation. Are you both at Holby?’

‘Ah yes. That's one thing I haven't mentioned.’

‘What?’

‘We're in the Ukraine. Bernie was offered a secondment to help set up new trauma facilities because she's one of the best trauma surgeons in the world and she took it. There’s a whole saga that goes along with it all but it means we’re in the Ukraine currently-don’t worry I’m only visiting, I didn’t move abroad without telling you.’

‘Right. Okay. So, I can’t exactly pop over for a visit then?’

‘I'm coming back to Holby briefly on Wednesday to pick up Jason because he's never flown before. You'd be welcome to join us.’ More than welcome. Right now, Serena couldn’t think of anything she wanted more than to have all her children together-in fact she found herself yearning to take her big girl into her arms and promise her everything would be okay. Perhaps Wednesday should come sooner.

‘I'll think about it.’

‘Thank you. Would it help if you spoke to Bernie or the kids beforehand? So it isn't such a daunting task? I'm only outside the hospital room and the other two are in there so Bernie would be happy to step out I’m sure.’

‘Are they still in the hospital? Just how recently was this birth?’

‘Ah. Another detail I forgot to mention.  Clementine was born almost two months premature. She's going to be okay but she's still hooked up to a lot of machines, we hope to be able to hold her for the first time tomorrow but we’ll play it by ear. I can’t wait.’

‘Two months? Oh hell- she must be tiny.

‘She's so small, perfect though. I remember the very first time I held you- your father placed you in my arms and I thought you were the smallest, most precious little thing I had ever seen. Compared to Clemmie, however, you were a veritable giant. So very, very beautiful though. I'll send you pictures later of her.’

‘Thank you. How much is this phone call going to cost me then if the entire Wolfe gang want to talk to me?’

‘Oh hush. I'll reimburse you. So, would you like to speak to Bernie?’

‘I think so. Tell me more about her, tell me about my new stepmummy- remember the very high standards of stepmother I have thanks to Liberty the genius.’

‘Very funny dear. Well she's co leads AAU with me, officially I'm lead on AAU and she's lead of the trauma bay but we share both. She is fiercely intelligent, has a wicked sense of humour but she must trust you before she'll let you see it, she's a former army medic so she likes rules but only when they suit her. She's stubborn, ridiculous, beautiful, a walking disaster, kind, a fantastic singer, she has hair like a bird’s nest and if I hadn't have seen one in her bag I would bet good money she didn't own a hairbrush. She loves her kids more than anything but is only now learning to show them as much. She's tall and lanky and I sometimes worry a powerful gust of wind would blow her over if she wasn't so solid. I don't mean solid in a bad way, she's just so strong- remind me to tell you about the arm wrestle we had about a man with a tap stuck up his arse sometime. Off the record of course, patient confidentiality and all that. Did I mention she's beautiful?’

‘Briefly. Once or twice. It sounds like you really like this woman Mum.’

‘I love her Ellie. I love her so much.’

‘I love you too Serena.’ She spun around to see Bernie stood mere feet from her, coffee cup clutched to her chest, inane grin splitting her face in two. Despite the days of little or no sleep, despite the fact that Bernie hadn’t showered in days and slept in the little makeup she had been wearing when she gave birth all those days ago, Serena was certain that she had never seen such a beautiful vision-this was the woman she loved. In that moment, she knew this was her soulmate, the woman she would marry and spend her life with. Barely a year ago she had grudgingly come to accept that the best part of her life was behind her and she might as well settle down for the long, slow, trudge towards retirement and the grave. Now, she couldn’t wait to see what the next few decades would bring.

‘How long have you been eavesdropping?’

‘Long enough to know I have you in the palm of my hand. Is Ellie alright? Is she- oh I don’t know- accepting- of this, us? I just wanted to see if everything was okay?’

‘It is. Ellie would like to talk to you.’

‘To me?' Bernie’s jaw dropped. She'd faced dangers most people couldn't imagine in their worst nightmares, seen cities fall and tyrannical regimes rise in their place, she'd seen friends blown apart, fixed broken bodies only to find them back on her table the moment they stepped back out onto the battlefield or worse to lose their occupants to the breaking of their minds. She'd stared abject terror in the face but she'd never been as scared as she was in that moment.

‘Yes.’

‘I'd like that. I think?’

‘Ellie I'm just going to pass you over to our resident spy. Play nicely. 

‘Hello Elinor. I've heard a lot about you, mostly good.’

‘I-I-I'm sure. Do you love m-my mother?’ Elinor asked, already sensing the answer. Bernie grinned, looking her love deep in the eyes. Wrapping her arm around her waist and finding Serena’s head burrow into the crook of her neck, she answered.

‘More than I thought it possible to love someone. I'm a mess Elinor, I won’t pretend to be perfect, but she puts me back into order, or rather she makes me want to become a better person for her so that I can put myself back together. Your mother is an incredible woman and she has the biggest heart of anyone I know, she's so proud of you you know. A few months into our being friends we ended up looking through one of your grandmother’s photo albums from when you were small, and god that woman can talk when she's reminiscing. I'm not great at openly expressing my feelings, and at that point neither of my children were speaking to me, but listening to your Mum made me realise I had to be a better Mother. She inspires me. I adore her.’

‘She's crying right now, isn't she?

‘Great big snotballs. Which is unfortunate considering her face is buried in my neck right now. It’s rather gross and that’s coming from someone who has sewn people back together and raised two explosively fluid children.’ Elinor chuckled, she was going to like Bernie she could tell.

‘Delightful. Would it be alright if I came over and met Clementine? Soon? And your other two kids as well? Charlotte and Christopher, was it-sorry I was rather busy being stunned about Clementine to pay much attention to anything else?’

‘It’s Cameron. But feel free to call him Christopher to wind him up when he’s being particularly stubborn or arrogant-Lottie will certainly join you in that.’

‘I will. So, Mum tells me you used to be in the army. What's your take on the Chilcott report?’

‘Nice try Ellie-I know you're an aspiring journalist and I have literally been tortured for information before so don't even try.’ Bernie cursed inwardly as she felt Serena stiffen in horror against her-whilst she had shared most of her army stories with her, she’d left out some of the more graphic ones as she was still processing them. She was going to have to speak with both the Campbell women very soon about it as she never wanted her cubs to find out. Better they think she was having a grand old time away from them, than knowing what horrors the memories of them had sustained her through.

‘You've been tortured?! Shit.’

‘Language.’

‘Yes, step mummy. Sorry step mummy.’

‘Cheeky. I can’t think where you could have got that from. Ow.’ Bernie grimaced as a finger lodged itself firmly into her side. ‘What was that about playing nicely darling?’

‘You two are cute. But for real you were tortured? What happened? I'm not asking for the paper or anything I just- oh you probably don't want to have to relive it.’

‘I don't mind talking about it, but it's better curled up on a sofa with a beer than over the phone, and I never want the others to know. And to answer your previous question I would love it if you came over to meet Clementine and my kids, but only so long as it doesn't disrupt your studies. I don't want you falling behind because of this.’

‘I'll be fine. So, should I come over with Mum and Jason? Or do you want me to wait until I’m –well Mum can explain why I’m not in the best condition for visiting right now?’

‘Now, next week, next month, five years from now. You'll always be welcome. If your Mum thinks you’ll be okay to visit then I’m sure whatever it is you’re going through will be fine. Although if you do come now and stay a few days you'll either have to go home with your mother or stay in a strange country with people you barely know even if we are tentatively family of sorts?’

‘If Mum and Jason trust you then I trust you. I've got the next few weeks off anyway so I'll come over now and then play it by ear?’

‘Sounds good. I'll pass you back over to your mother now, double check it's alright with her. Ellie, I'm looking forward to meeting you very much.’

‘You too Bernie. I hear you're really good looking.’

‘I hope I can live up to your expectations.’

‘I'll probably just look you up on Facebook, and your kids-if I’m going to get some step siblings I should at least know what they look like. Mum said she’d take some pictures of Clemmie and send them to me, can you make sure you get one of her with Clemmie and one of all of you together-all five of you? I want to be one of those obnoxious people who won’t stop showing people photos.’ They laughed.

‘Okay. Bye Ellie.’

‘Bye Bern.’

'Me again.’

‘I like her Mum. I really do, she seems nice. I’m happy for you.  must admit this whole thing has come as rather a shock but as Nan used to say- the best things in life are the things that scare you. I wanted siblings and now I have three, well four I suppose as Jason’s your kid too now. Mum?’

‘Yes sweetheart?’

‘I know how your brain works, I know what you must be thinking, must be wondering- Nan would be so proud of you. The last thing she said to me-the last cogent thing at least- was to make sure you were happy and you are. It doesn’t matter that Bernie is a woman, it doesn’t matter that you gained your son from the illegitimate daughter she’d given up all those years ago, it doesn’t matter that some of your kids are step kids. She would have loved each and every one of them. She loved you so much Mum.’

‘Thank you darling. I didn’t realise I needed to hear that. I miss her.’

‘So do I, but she wouldn’t want us moping around. She’d want us to carpe that diem. I’m sorry Mum but I have to go now but I'll probably be able to fly over tomorrow if you can pick me up from the airport?’

‘Are you sure? There’s no pressure if you want to wait?’

‘I’m sure. Bye Mum.’

‘Bye Ellie. I love you.’

‘I love you too. By the way I told Bernie you’d tell her about what was going on with me so enjoy that. Tata.’ Elinor hung up.

'So, what's going on with Ellie? She said there was something you needed to tell me that might sway my opinion on her coming over to visit.' Bernie span her girlfriend around to face her fully, worry flooding her stomach as she saw the torment in the eyes she loved so much. 'Darling?' Serena pulled away and began pacing back and forth across the hallway.

'She seems to have developed a coke habit, it's not a big habit but enough to worry the hell out of me. How many people have we seen broken or worse because of cocaine? I can't lose one daughter just as I've found another. She knows she needs help and has vowed to go to rehab but feels the best way for her to try her best would be if she had some decent motivation. In her mind that means having a baby sister to fight for. She wants to meet Clementine to have a better, more real thing to cling too. Not, of course, that that's the only reason she wants to embrace this change. She always wanted a brother or sister and as much as Edward told me it wasn't my fault that all the miscarriages happened I always felt like I was letting her down. We were half a family and now we are whole. You have final say on whether they can meet pre-rehab though, Ellie said she'd understand if you wanted her to wait until she'd finished treatment.' Bernie crossed the way to the other wall where Serena was now propped and took her hands in her own. Raising them to her lips she caressed each knuckle.

'Of course she can still come. She's only human and whilst in the grand scheme of things I'd prefer our infant child didn't come in contact with somebody who was on drugs but she's your daughter, Clemmie's big sister. Being part of a whole family means accepting each other's faults and helping each other. You're helping me to less of a fuck up and already you've helped me to repair the fractured relationship I have with my other children so the least I can do is help yours.'

'You are wonderful you know.'

'I'm a mess and we both know it darling.'

'But a beautiful mess, my beautiful mess.'

'Always.'

'...' 

'Love?'

'Yeah?'

'There's no doubt is there? Clemmie is your daughter isn't she? Not your step?'

'Why did we ever try and deny it?'

'And now tomorrow the Campbell Wolfe party grows a little larger. I hope all five kids manage to be here at the same time.'

'That may rather be like trying to herd sheep with a tortoise.'

'You're so weird.'

'That's why you love me.'

'Hmmm. We'll see.'


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my defense of the delay getting this up- I wrote the next chapter and it was over 14 000 words so i had to split it up into smaller chapters and I've only edited the first one so far. I also started a new job recently so that's taken up a lot of my time. Hopefully, the next one won't take so long but honestly who knows

 

Elinor awoke with a start-she'd had the strangest dream where her mother had phoned her up to announce that she was in a relationship with a woman and this woman had just had a baby called tangerine or mandarin or something equally citric. Her mother had declared her intention to raise the orange child with her partner as her own and if she wanted Ellie could have a younger sister. In the spirit of bombshell dropping she’d herself admitted to her mother about her cocaine habit and mum hadn't shouted at her-that alone was proof enough of it having been a fantasy.  The fight they’d had after she got her tongue pierced would be one she’d likely remember for the rest of her life.

God but she couldn't help but wish it were true. She'd wanted a sister, or even a brother at a push, for her whole life, she'd always wanted her mum to be happy and she'd long suspected she wasn't entirely straight-she flirted with everyone with a pulse. It was so easy to believe it possible. So easy yet so impossible.

Flumping over in her bed, she was met by a surprise-a suitcase, overflowing with hastily packed clothes, was laying in the middle of her floor. The empty wine bottles stacked in the bin explaining why she felt like something had crawled into her mouth and died.

'Huh. Weird.' She grappled for her phone-10:20am, earlier than she'd usually wake on a Saturday, especially when she had the next two weeks off. It beeped, she suddenly realised what had awoken her originally-a WhatsApp notification from her mother. She didn't even know her mother had given in and bought a smart phone after years of resistance, let alone that she'd managed to use its features. She opened the message and dropped it in shock.

 

 **Text from Serena Campbell to Elinor Campbell:** _//Clementine Rose Wolfe aged 4 days, 6 days, and 8 days old. Lots of love, Mum x//_

A baby. 3 pictures of a fucking baby. 3 pictures of a fucking baby who was easily the cutest baby Ellie had even seen, a baby who was clearly real and her sister. 

She burst into tears. It wasn't a dream-she had a sister and a step brother and sister should she choose to accept them as such, her mother was in love with a woman who appeared to make her extremely happy, she'd told her mum about her drug problem and been supported instead of shouted at.

No. No, she must have misunderstood the situation, conflated her dream with a random comment her mother must have made.

Her call log, that would go some way better to showing what had happened last night. Where the hell was that bloody thing on her phone? The only times she ever used the call log was if she had a missed call and the notification sent her straight to the right display. Did her phone even have a specific call log button? Maybe it would just be easier to keyword search for it on the drop-down menu. But what would she need to search?

'Log' was unsuccessful, so was 'call' and 'calls', 'missed' was fruitless too. Groaning at how annoying using her phone as a phone was she tried one last ditch attempt. Finally, 'phone' sent her to a familiar screen and she quickly found her way to the call log.

Bloody hell. She'd spent over half an hour speaking to her mother on the phone last night. Perhaps maybe, just maybe, the situation wasn't as fantastical as she's thought. There was one last thing to do. She needed to check her emails. In her dream, she'd booked a ticket straight away-if a confirmation email lay in her inbox then she would have to accept that for once in her life, things were looking up.

The confirmation email was there. She was flying to Kyiv in 3 hours to meet her sister and step family.

SHIT! Only 3 hours until it left. She needed to move fast. For the first time since moving into the flat, she found herself thanking Fatima for finding a cheap one due to its proximity to the airport

 

 **Text from Elinor Campbell to Serena Campbell:** _//Hi Mum. God Clementine is the cutest thing I've ever seen? She's really real? She's really ours if we choose? I'm at the airport now, the flight leaves in 50 minutes so I'll be there soon. Can't wait to see everyone._

 **Text from Serena Campbell to Elinor Campbell:** _//Hello my darling big girl. If you still have Internet there I'll send over more pictures of her, the ones I sent earlier were ones off my camera roll but the specialist has finished his rounds now so we were able to get in and see her after I originally messaged you this morning. I took a very many photos. I'll be at arrivals with bells on. I can't wait to see you too. Lots of love, Mum x_

 **Text from Elinor Campbell to Serena Campbell:** _//I still have Internet and I'd love to see more pictures. What did the specialist say? p.s. You know you don't have to sign every message, right? Your name is at the top of my screen._

 **Text from Serena Campbell to Elinor Campbell:** _//Hello sweetheart. It's called being polite. Specialist says she's doing remarkably well and she should be strong enough for an out of incubator cuddle or five by this evening so you'll get your turn. Sending the pictures now. Best wishes, kind regards and lots of love to you and yours, Mum x :p_

 **Text from Elinor Campbell to Serena Campbell:** _//Arse. Though I'm impressed you used an emoji. The photos have just started to come through but we're being called to board so I'll need to turn my internet off soon. Yours most formally, Elinor Elizabeth Campbell._

 

Holy shit. Her sister was perfect. Like actually perfect. Even with the wires criss-crossing her ridiculously tiny little body it was clear that Clementine was even more beautiful now than she had been just days before. As for Bernie, well, Bernie was just plain gorgeous too. Mum clearly had impeccable taste. It was early days still but Clemmie definitely took after her mother- more so than Charlotte and Cameron appeared to currently. She wondered what their father looked like. Charlotte was vaguely familiar, appeared to be around her own age so it was entirely possible they had mutual friends or attended the same house parties, they even could have passed each other on the street-Holby was hardly the largest of places.

The final picture loaded. She burst out laughing. Clementine was pulling a particularly happy face-Elinor knew enough about babies to guess her sister’s nappy probably held the answer to what had caused it. In the corner of the photo was a hand drawn speech bubble proclaiming _'I LOVE MY BIG SISTER ELLIE.'_

Her phone beeped one last time and she frowned as an unfamiliar number flashed up on her screen. Warily she opened it but promptly found herself grinning as a picture of her Mum and Bernie appeared. It was a candid shot, clearly taken without the knowledge of either party. They were staring at each other over the ventilator, fingers interlocked on top of it. The love they held for each other was clear to see, the smile her mother sported unlike anything she'd ever seen on her. Any doubts that we're lingering over this new relationship disappeared in that moment. A message appeared below the picture.

______

 **Text from Unknown Number to Elinor Campbell:** _//Uhh hi there, I hope you don't mind me contacting you, I copied your phone number from your mum’s phone. I'm Charlotte, Bernie's daughter, but you can call me Charlie because we're sort of sisters now. Mum says Serena sent you some photos of Clementine and us all together? Isn't Clemmie just the most beautiful baby you've ever seen? Serena says she'll show me some of your baby pictures when we go back to Holby because you were a good contender for the cutest baby race. Myself I was rather potatoesque as a baby and Cam (my brother) looked eerily like the Baby Grinch when he was about two years old. I've got a photo of it back home I can show you if you'd like? Sorry, I went off on a bit of a tangent there. I must admit I'm somewhat nervous talking to you so I can hardly imagine how you feel. Your world has turned upside down in the space of 48 hours and whilst we gained a sister, a stepmum, and a potential step sister you've gained that plus a stepbrother. You were an only child and now you're not. Just please give us all a chance, it's clear Serena is devoted to you and she seems to have good taste even if she did fall in love with my mother: p I'd like it if we could be friends-we share a sister after all so we're going to be in each other's lives for a long time to come. Even if we never become besties or like sisters. Cam and I are going to look around the town when you arrive so you don't get overwhelmed by meeting the whole Wolfe pack at once. I'll see you soon. Charlie xx_

Elinor liked her already.

'Cute couple. Are they your mothers?'

'Uh.' Ellie frowned as the woman in the seat next to her leant over to peer at her phone. 'Excuse me?'

'Sorry, I’m always getting told off by my friends for being too forward with people. My name is Nataliya and I'll be your armrest co-owner for the duration of this flight.'

'Elinor.' She shook Nataliya’s hand with trepidation, her very English sense of public privacy coming out in force. She’d certainly inherited her mother’s ability to charm the socks off of everyone she met but hadn’t had the formative experience of attending Harvard to transfer it into an ease of approach.

'Nice to meet you Elinor. Is this your first time traveling to Kyiv?'

'Yes.'

'I'm half Ukrainian and some of my family still live there so I'm a frequent flier-I can recommend all the best bars and restaurants if you'd like.'

'Thanks. I'll think about it. I don’t know how long I’m going to be here for, there’s some things I need to do here in England that I shouldn’t dawdle over.

'I see. So, are the women your mothers? They certainly look in love. Come on, this flight will be uncomfortable for us both if we sit here in silence. I'm a great listener and you look like you have a lot on your mind. Look, the chances are we'll never see each other again so I'm not going to judge you and if, come the end of the flight, we've discovered we're long lost best friends then we can exchange numbers. I forgot to charge my phone before I left so I don't have anything better to do with my time and I find other people's lives fascinating-it's why I'm studying journalism at university.'

'Snap. To studying to become a journalist at uni I mean. I suppose there's no harm in chatting to you-might even manage to help keep my nerves under control.'

‘So? The women?’

‘My mother and her girlfriend. I'm visiting them because Bernie, that’s Mum’s girlfriend, came over here for work and gave birth to a baby last week.'

'They haven't been together too long then? At least not before 9 months ago? Or was it IVF?'

‘Not overly long, and Clementine was premature. Neither of them knew she pregnant so it was quite the surprise all round. So much for a pair of highly regarded surgeons.'

'Smart family. Clementine is a lovely name; do you have any pictures?'

'Sure.'

 

 

______

 

'Mum!' Elinor grinned at her mother appeared out of the milling crowd looking happier than she’d seen her in a very long time.

'Ellie darling.' Serena wrapped her arms around her daughter tightly, raining kisses on the top of her head. 'Oh I'm so glad to see you, I'm so glad you came. I must admit I half expected you to bottle out, you've had to take in a lot in a very short time.'

'I won’t lie- when I first woke up I thought it was all a dream until I saw my suitcase and checked my emails. It seemed too good to be true, I have a sister, and step siblings and you didn't shout at me for my issues. I really am going to go to rehab I promise. I'm going to make you proud.'

'Darling you make me proud every day. You're only human and you made a mistake but we are going to be here for you every step of the way. No matter what happens we’re going to be a happy family again. Just because Clementine is here it doesn't mean you're going to fall to the wayside I promise.'

'I know, but it's her you should be focusing on. Despite my recent lapse in judgment I am an adult and I can look after myself. Clemmie is less than two weeks old and premature. She needs you, she's your daughter too.'

'Oh I'm so glad you're here. As much as I like Charlotte and Cameron it's nice to have someone I know on my side as it were.' Serena smiled as she grabbed her daughters case and made to move off.

'Is Bernie not-'

'Bernie is wonderful. She's actually outside at the moment so you can meet her before Clemmie. It seemed unfair to throw both on you at the same time. '

'I appreciate that. And Charlie said Cameron and she were going to go look around the town when we arrive so I'll meet them later too. She seems nice.’

'You've spoken to Charlotte? And she let you call her Charlie?' Serena was incredibly confused- was her daughter already acquainted with the Wolfe family? If so, why had nobody mentioned it before. Had something happened in the past they’d wanted to forget?

'She messaged me earlier.  Why wouldn't she let me call her Charlie, she said I could?'

'Only Cam and Clemmie can call her that according to her. It's a sibling privilege.' Serena smiled before realising her daughter was no longer beside her. Confused, she span around to find Ellie stood stopped still, her jaw on the floor, something unknown shining in her eyes.

'She gave me a sibling privilege? I have siblings plural? Like for real?'

'It seems so.' 

'Wow.'

'Did you have a good flight?'

'Not too bad thanks, the woman in the seat next to me could rival Nana June for the chattiest woman in the world.' They smiled in remembrance of Edwards mother, a woman who Serena had fallen in love with long before her son.

'She certainly could talk about that's for sure. I still can't believe the rant she went on after your father and I divorced. She was not happy with him.'

'She was a good woman. I miss her, and Gran. I meant what I said yesterday Mum, she would have been so proud of you and all of this.’

'Thank you darling. She loved you so much.'

'I still have that origami dove you know?' 

'Aww. Now, do you have everything?’

'I think so, including the number of Nataliya aka chatter mouth, she wants an update on Clemmie and more photos. She's training to become a journalist too so I can forgive her nosiness.'

'I'm glad you made a friend. Are you ready to, hopefully, make another?'

‘If you mean Bernie then bring it on. Charlie sent me a picture of the pair of you and I must say you make quite the good-looking couple.’

‘I like to think so. Come on then, Bernie said she'd wait just out here. Chop chop.’

‘Is it silly that I'm still nervous even though I've spoken to Bernie already and she's lovely? 

‘Definitely not silly.’

‘But I'm a mess.’

‘So is Bernie.’

'So is Bernie what?' An amused voice rang out from behind them. Elinor span to find herself face to face with the woman her mother had been unable to stop talking about for months, the woman who had turned both of their lives upside down and given them the rest of the family they'd always wanted. She looked different in person but Elinor couldn't quite put her finger on what it was. It was strange, she'd read up on the army medic in the cab on the way to the airport-seen stories of her heroic deeds, read the list of honours shed accrued, researched the horrors she'd thrived in. The woman before her was not that woman. This was the woman who'd captured her mother’s heart, who'd reassured her yesterday that everything would be okay and offered her new-born daughter to her no strings attached. 'Hello Elinor...Ellie. I uh I'm Bernie. Your mum has told me so much about you.' Bernie held out her hand.

'Bernie!' In a move that shocked all three of them Ellie lurched forward and threw her arms around the startled woman. 'Thank you. Thank you so much.’ Sending a panicked look to her girlfriend, Bernie hesitantly wrapped her arms around the young woman.

‘Uh you're welcome? Thank you for what?

‘For everything? For being real and for loving my mother, for accepting me, for giving me siblings. Thank you for being what was missing from our lives. Thank you for being even more beautiful in real life. Thank you for being the catalyst to my proactively seeking help for my issues.’

‘You're very welcome. I've wanted to meet you for a long time, your mum is always taking about you and boasting about what a wonderful young woman you've turned in to.’

‘D-d-drug habits aside.’ Ellie stepped back out of the embrace and fixed her gaze over Bernie’s shoulder, too afraid to see the disapproving frown of her new step mother. In the distance, she saw Nataliya giving her a wink and a thumbs up from the small coffee booth.

‘Hey! None of that now. Yes, it is a problem and it needs to stop but you’re seeking help now and that’s what matters in the end.’ Ellie returned her gaze to Bernie and was stunned at the lack of judgement levelled her way. She grinned 

‘I appreciate that. Oh! I meant to say-congratulations on Clemmie.’

‘Thank you. It was a surprise for sure but I can’t imagine my life without her now

‘She’s truly beautiful, gorgeous, she looks just like you already. I felt sorry for the man sat in the window seat on the plane because I kept shoving the photos in his face, the girl on my other side however was extremely invested in our story. Our favourite one was the one with the speech bubble.’

‘Ah yes.' Bernie chuckled. 'Your Mum took that photo but I just couldn't resist adding the caption before she sent it. Clemmie just looked so happy.’

‘Her nappy was less happy I'm guessing?’

‘Clever girl.’

‘Our taxi is over here.’ Serena rolled her eyes, seeing that even though Bernie had been with her when they’d been dropped off, she was leading Elinor in precisely the wrong direction. ‘We'll have to squish together in the back darling as Bernie needs to recline her seat somewhat to avoid putting too much pressure on her scar.’

‘Ah of course. You shouldn't have troubled yourself over little old me. 

‘It was no bother and I couldn't wait to finally meet you Oh the tales I’ve heard.’

‘One thing you'll quickly learn about darling Bernie here is that she is the living embodiment of the words stubborn, pig headed, obstinate, determined, dogged, inexorable-‘

‘She gets the picture dearest and I love you too _darling_. What she neglects to mention Ellie is that I am an uncommonly fast healer.’

‘Indeed. Mere weeks after being blown up and breaking her back, not to mention the open-heart surgery, Bernie had started work at Holby. Most people would barely be walking with a frame after bed rest but she erupted onto Keller and was pissing Ric off and tap dancing her way around the rules and policies.’ Ellie couldn’t help but snort at the mental picture her mother was painting. Even Bernie, the subject of the ridicule, couldn’t help but burst out laughing. Ellie’s snort quickly turned to giggles as she heard Bernie’s laugh for the very first time. It was unlike any laugh she’d heard before and was truly spectacular in its own unique way.’

‘I cannot tap dance, much to my mother’s disappointment, or any other form of dancing for that matter.’

‘Mum will soon change that I'm sure. As soon as everyone's back in Holby she'll have you out on that dance floor before you can say cha cha cha ‘

‘Oh goody. Cannot wait for that highlight of my year. Forget getting blown up, this is prime fun time activity.’

’Did you seriously just compare dancing with me, the love of your life, with getting blown up by an IED?.

‘Yes,’ Bernie grinned as Ellie’s giggles became a snicker.

'Wow. I'm not sure I want to be your girlfriend anymore.

'I thought we'd agreed on Charlottes term non-boning, much moaning, bed buddies?’ Ellie’s snickers turned into full blown guffaws at the look of distaste that crossed her Mum’s face. Normally such a statement would have her rolling her eyes in disgust but she was loving this. She was loving Bernie 

‘Gross.’

‘Charlotte sounds wonderful. She actually messaged me earlier and I have to say Bern-is it alright if I call you Bern?- I really like her, you raised a good'un as Gran would have put it.’

‘Thank you. I hope she didn't tell any tales?’

‘Not yet but I'm sure she will- I have my ways’

‘As a journalist in training I'd certainly hope you do. How is the course going- stress relief tactics aside?’ She asked as they settled into their seats.

'It's good. I'm enjoying it, it's what I've always wanted to do, but it's harder than I imagined it would be. First and second year were great but I didn't work as hard as I should have done and it's coming back to bite me on the arse. It's barely November and I'm already struggling. I've been getting good grades all three years but that’s mainly down to some very late nights and a lot more stress than it needed to be. I guess with the time I'll have to take out to go to rehab I’ll need to drop out and reapply next year. I'd never be able to catch up on the assignments and lectures. I could always see if I can transfer it into a part time degree I suppose. I still want to get my degree somehow.’

‘Those are all very valid options, but you don’t need to decide anything now. I’ll be proud of you no matter what you decide and I’m even more proud that you want to finish your degree and not take the easy way out. Whatever happens you can move back home to the impending chaos that is Bernie’s interpretation of what tidy is. I shudder to imagine what she’ll be like with the detritus that comes with a baby. Not to mention the fact I’m certain Lottie is going to move in too.’

‘If that’s alright with you of course Ellie. If you’d rather it just be you, Jason, and your Mum then the cubs and I can find our own place. Besides Charlotte hasn’t actually asked yet and we still need to talk to Jason about it. The last thing anyone wants is to cause him any more stress than is necessary. We’re already pushing it with Clemmie and I. You two are at least his family.’

‘Nonsense, the more the merrier and there’s no way I’m letting Clemmie out of my sight for that long. You’re wrong about the family thing-you and Clemmie, even Charlie and Cam- are his family too. By the way Bernie, calling your kids cubs is totally adorable.’

‘Thank you, it’ll be nice to live in a bustling household though I do feel sorry for Jason as he’ll be the only man in a house of 5 women. It started from my surname but somewhere along the line Lottie also became a bear. I’ve got my Big Cub, my Little Lottie Bear Cub, Baby Cub and I’m trying to think of a good one for Jason-he asked if my dating Serena and her being Clementine’s Mum meant I was his Aunt too, of course I said yes but I think a Cub name would make him feel more included. I know I barely know you Ellie but I consider you one of my cubs too and if you’d like it I’d be honoured to give you a name too. If you’d want one that is.’

‘Really?’

‘Of course. So, do you want one upfront or should we wait and see what develops?’

‘Uh the latter I think.’

‘Probably best. I must say Ellie, I'm touched that you’ve only stuttered once since we met in person. I don't want you to feel self-conscious about it but your Mum said the prospect of meeting me had made it worse than she's seen in years. You must be tired from the flight too so that can't have helped.’

‘I was nervous, so nervous, to meet you. I had to take five minutes in the bathroom before I found my luggage to calm myself. But then I saw you and -god this sounds so dumb and cliché and ridiculous- but I saw you and I wasn't nervous anymore, it felt right, you felt right.’

‘Hands off kiddo she's mine.’

‘Ooh battle of the Campbell women- I'm truly honoured but I'm afraid I'm a one women lady. Sorry Serena.' Bernie span in her chair to poke her tongue out at the pair who laughed.’

‘If we are ever to have any chance of success with me as a cub then I'm going to pretend you never said that.’ Elinor groaned, burying her face in Serena’s shoulder.

‘Smart move.’

‘So, moving swiftly on, tell me about Cameron and Charlotte.'

Serena felt herself tear up as she watched her girlfriend and daughter behind to bond and form a relationship she hoped would last them a lifetime. Everything was finally beginning to feel real-this, them, had now extended beyond the bubble Ukraine had provided. Her daughter was here and taking it remarkably well. Serena wasn’t naïve, she knew Elinor was probably putting up a front and struggling more than she was letting on. Swept up in the excitement that was sure to settle down sooner rather than later, her daughter’s true feelings on the matter would materialise and she could only hope they would be favourable.

 


End file.
